Oh joy..

Ok. So I have been home for the past three days now and it has been quite a heart-wrenching three days. (on a side note, I really hope this bus comes soon cause 1) I'm quite cold. 2) I just want to get to the JC so I can sit in the library. 3) because my butt hurts. I don't know why though.. Cause I don't remember doing anything that'd strain it... O.o). Anyways.. Ah yes, the heart wrenching past three days. So I was up in Ukiah when my parents came to pick me up on Saturday. It was so hard to say goodbye to him. (if you don't know who "he/him" is then refer back to the previous post and you'll get the idea). I almost cried the whole way home. It was torturous to say the least. And then it's even worse because his semi-girlfriend is home from Oregon for two weeks and holy crap is this going to be one messy formal break up. (Gah! I forgot my gum >.<)I feel awful that he is in this position. I mean he has been kind of cheating on her for almost 5 months now.. But still. I don't think that there's anything I can do to help. I have already done all that I can. Half o me wants to disappear from existence and from his life, while the other half just purely roots for myself. =/ selfish much? I think so. Which is partially why I feel bad.. I just want him to be happy.. Even if it isn't with me. Ah.. The bus. Time to get warm. Anywho.. I just don't understand what is holding him back from breaking up with her. I mean, I know that she was his first, but he says that returning with me is so much better.. That I am better overall. She is awful. She wouldn't even let him ride with her up to her college in Oregon because she didn't want to put her beloved cats in the back seat of the car. I mean, COME ON! I would never do that! So what is holding him back?! I lack the understanding and it is really annoying, not to mention frustrating, and hurts like hell. But I'm falling in love with him and so I can't do anything about those feelings when they are so much more powerful than these bad feelings I am experiencing. I just wish I could do something to make it easier for him..