FML

Here's the scoop.. He is mad at me. And I'm pissed at myself too.. I lied to him, and it's made everything horrible. I just didn't want him to hate me. He was already in tears and I didn't want to make things worse, but I guess in the long run it made everything bad.. I mean, it was just a little white lie to make it so he didn't feel like I'd just gone along to do something illegal. I didn't go just to party. I went cause I like those people's company.. I feel like I could just die right now.. He's even threatening some of his friendships just because of me.. Its all my fault.. All I do is hurt others.. I should just disappear.. even if that means dropping out of school and moving away. I wish there was something I could do to make things better.. But I know he wont believe me. I already said that I was sorry, I have been so upset that it feels like I should hurl yet I don't because I'd rather be in pain myself for what I have done rather than fix it and feel better physically, I cried myself to sleep last night, I promised myself that I'd stop doing it for the rest of my life.. I don't know what else there is that I can do.. I don't know what else I should do.. I feel so lost and broken.. I completely abused his trust and now he probably wont ever trust me again. FML.