Scared Update

I think I will start with the title. Even after it being a little after an hour from getting to school, my heart is still pounding lightly thanks to reckless driving via my boyfriend on the way here. I'm not fond of any part of our driving in his red sports car. It seems as if ever since he got it signed over to him he's been a very aggressive driver with a slight case of road rage. I end up holding onto something in the car so tightly that my knuckles turn white and I'm sweating bullets. It's not fun at all. It seems like he has to piss someone off at least a little if they've not been going the speed limit or did something he wasn't fond of (like pulling out in front of him while he was going the perfect speed). If anything like that happens he needs to push them forward by tailing them too close for comfort or pulling out in front of them and speeding away. I don't know if it's a guy thing where he has to try to prove he's manly by doing something stupid and reckless or if it's just something having a red sports car does to him. But whenever I'm in a car with him driving I feel like I need to hold onto something very tightly. Anyways, I'll talk to him and see if I can get him to calm down some while driving. Oh, go figure, talking to him just happened. He came and found me after his first class of the morning and apologized about the driving-and-scaring-me-to-hell-and-back fiasco this morning. Anyways, update time. If you're even remotely near Santa Rosa you have to see "Legally Blonde the musical". It is so fantastically performed and I saw it Friday night, the premier, and it stunned me so much. It is so much fun and everyone did such a good job. I seriously can't even imagine how long it would take me to explain perfectly how amazing and wonderful it was. I mean, heck, it even got me to wear pink today! That's saying something for sure. SEE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not to mention, my best friend SIGRID FORSYTHE is playing the lead role and does it so wonderfully =] Anywho, it's time to go get some fresh air and talk to the star of the theater. Peace for now.

Clueless?

Oh where to start.. I am tired, but not in a bad way. I had a moderately good weekend - a few boyfriend scuffles - but all is well now. There's generally a fight in the kitchen because I'm strict in my ways of going about everything in the kitchen and dining room.. Including which side of the sponge to use on each and every pan used, or whether or not to use soap on some (aka: iron frying pans. Huge taboo!). All of this talk of kitchen things is making me hungry. I've had a bowl of cereal, a bite of a blueberry scone, and a few bites of leftovers from last night's dinner - schnitzel with red cabbage and a potato salad. Delicious, but not enough to feed two mouths. I am highly annoyed with myself at the moment due to my lack there of headphones that I ended up accidentally leaving on my dresser this morning. I won't have any music to listen to while I wait for the bus home or while I'm on the bus going home.. tisk tisk Haley.. The use of my first name reminded me of my middle name, which then reminded me of how in the world I could incorporate it into a child's name that also fits a specific last name. I don't know how I could use "Ellen" in the next generation of my family. I have a feeling that none of my cousins or other generation members will be brave enough to incorporate it like it's been in the past three generations. My great Grammy Ellen, one of my grandmother's sisters had the name in there somewhere, my aunt Mary Ellen and my name: Haley Ellen.. Any ideas anyone? Well, I need to get outta here. Peace out.

Old Fashioned

I am feeling rather old-fashioned today, yet I feel the need and desire to write in a Kelly green color.  Maybe its because I didn't write much in March and missed out on St. Patrick's Day with the posting of a life update and want to catch up on that.. But who knows, right? Oh man the chair that I am sitting in is super comfortable and I love it, I can change the armrests around and make it so they're right under my elbows and its über comfortable. Mmmmm.. a song just right for my mood; "Warriors" from Michael Flatley's "Lord of the Dance". Dark, but alluring. Sexy almost.. There's just something so attractive about a good looking guy who can dance. Anyways.. Now Pandora is playing Enya and its soft and pure sounding. Gah, I don't know why I am saying all this.. Maybe because I have almost nothing else to say at the moment. Oh well.. I have something to talk about now that actually has something to do with my post title: old fashioned. I wish that I had someone to send letters to and to recieve them from. I really miss the excitement of getting something in the mail. It was always so much fun to write someone a letter, fold it just right, address it to someone and stick it in the mail box across the street, pulling out the little red flag and knowing that within a few days that person was going to get something personal from me, and then the thrill of knowing that I might be getting something in return within the next few weeks. I miss those emotions so much and wish that there was someone that I would enjoy writing to who would also enjoy recieving letters from me as well as writing some back. It was so much fun writing letters to my cousin when she lived with her parents down in Los Angeles, back when she cared enough to write back. But now, I don't know anyone who'd have the time or willpower to be a pen pal of sorts with me. I see my boyfriend four days out of the week on average and so there's really no point in us sending snail mail back and forth. All of my cousins up in Canada are all busy with their own lives, and the lack there of friends doesn't really help much. And all the friends that I do have through school.. it would be pointless to send them letters and get some in return because of the fact that I see them all the time in class and around campus. All of the people I was friends with in high school are practically nonexistant now in my life and the closest people to me are my parents and boyfriend. Ix-nay on the bestfriend, my brother is trying to break free of parents' rules (got his ear pierced the other day and has been a complete jerk to mom and dad unit for the last couple years), the only time I get at home is really when I'm eating, showering or sleeping so there's hardly any time that I get with my parents unless its trying to keep my mouth shut while my little brother is being an a$$ or cleaning up after dinner. The only time that I get to spend with my boyfriend, and only my boyfriend is before and after school for a half hour every day and an hour inbetween classes of ours on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Otherwise, he and I are in class or he's working while I'm killing time for the bus.. Man, there's a chick in choir who just annoys the crap out of me every moment I am within seeing distance of her. No matter what she's doing or saying, there's always this absolutely vexatious about her. She tries to flaunt every little piece of herself and thinks she's the bees knees in everything she does. She's very lucky that I don't have a sharp object with me anytime I am around her. She tries so hard to be amazing and fails so epically it's hilarioius. She even thinks she's dating the greatest guy in the world and he's just a self-absorbed prick. I mean, honestly, how would an average girl feel if her boyfriend claimed they "f*cked her too hard last night so that's why she's sick." It would make me kick my boyfriend's butt to the curb and never speak to him again. It's just an awful remark. Their sex life probably isn't even that great if they're just dating to bang each other. Good sex means emotions behind the love making. That's why it's called "making love" in the first place. There's got to be emotional feelings as well as the physical side of things. I could just rant all day about every little detail that makes me want to stab her. Owie.. Don't take out a cartilage piercing even if it's been almost three moths since it was done. It still hurts to clean and put the stud back in. I wonder what made me take it out in the first place. Oh well, I did it, and it's burning and swollen now, so, I've learned.. don't do that again for another long while. It is a bad idea all around and I learned the difficult way. At least now I know. Oh yay! ^_^ I just got permission to spend the night at my boyfriend's house tonight! This ought to be good, I get some real time with him =] and now I don't have to deal with brother-drama or taking the bus tonight or tomorrow morning. Neither of which I am very fond of at all. Anyways, It is time for me to hit the upstairs because the music library here at school is closing down. I just wish that I'd brought along my book, because that would be wonderful to have right about now. A book, some cookies and a thermos full of tea with a comfy place to sit down and a blanket. Not to mention some happy pants (sweats or pj's) along with that every so wonderful mix of items.  Peace, love and all that jazz.

Emotional Much

Let's go with the semi-dark, blue-ish tint today as to go with emotions.  Today has been difficult.. almost all aspects of it.  I woke up to a wildly loud alarm (which I even checked last night to make sure it was on in the first place as well as make sure it wouldn't be incredibly, ear-splittingly, obnoxiously loud..) and then things got better, a nice shower, a good breakfast of cinnamon life cereal, and not a half-way decent ride to the school. But when I got to school I just lost it completely with the fake smile and life hit me in the face like a buttered frying pan (painful and leaves something difficult to get off without ruining something else. Aka the butter: it's oily and leaves stains everywhere it lands). I felt like a dead weight and utterly void of life unless it was sadness or pain.  It made me feel like Bella from New Moon within the first two-thirds of the novel. It was not easy. It seriously almost took all of my willpower to go into my math class.  It didn't help that she called on me too.. (I was very thankful that she accepted my pass due to my "being brain-dead"). But still, it was an embarrassing thing to ask for a pass on the question. It's a mortifying thing for me to get something wrong and makes me feel like I'm retarded. Literally. But I went in after class got out and spoke to my math instructor for a good ten minutes or so and got some things solved. I have high test anxiety and there are a few classes and things I can do to help me with that all. My math instructor also has been noticing that there's quite a bit going on in my life right now and that the best thing to do is try my hardest, study, soak as much information as I can with what she's giving me and then if I pass, wonderful, if not, I study over summer and take it again with her in the fall. (It made me feel much better to know that she really does care about how I am doing and is doing all that she can do or think of in order to help me in any way she can. She told me that she knows I'm a good student and that I try my damnedest to pass with flying colors so that helped me feel a bit brighter..). So I met with my math instructor, got things out of the way and some questions answered, was still on the verge of tears until about half an hour ago when I was asked for advice on a twenty year old male having an open relationship with a thirty year old woman. It always makes me feel trustworthy, better and respected when I'm asked for my point of view. I got something in my stomach and laughed a little with light conversation with my boyfriend-unit and one of his music buddies which was a nice switch up to my bleak day, and now it's 11:44 in the morning and I have about 15 minutes until band starts. I really hope Joe (my instructor) is in today because the last week of school before spring break he didn't show up at all. (Maybe because he got our children's concert out of the way and are dealing with new music all together or maybe because he really was sick like he claimed). Anywho, Dad came home from Taiwan safely last Friday, we spent Saturday hanging out at home, cleaning and putzing around and on Sunday we spent the majority of the day in Berkley. We slept in until around 11:30 in the morning (which was amazing and much needed), went over to Berkley and ate our pseudo-breakfast at Brennan's. Then we went out to a very long dock and walked to the end and back. Afterwards we went to an Asian market and got some yummy treats as well as food which was relaxing in an odd kind of way. Monday went by without hesitation and now I'm here sitting in the music library waiting another couple of minutes before band starts and we work on Spanish tunes for our "Cinco de Mayo" concert in two months. Fun stuff. I might as well go and sit in band waiting for it all to start just so I can get a comfortable seat and nicer stand for my music. So, peace, hopefully love and all that jazz...

Update Time

It has been quite some time since my last post on here. Mainly due to the fact that my grandmother has been in the hospital for a couple months now, the end of last semester was a challenge and getting back into the groove of school this semester has been really difficult as well. There has been a lot of family drama when it relates to my grandmother.. she had surgery last year to get rid of intestinal cancer and a few weeks after her discharge she was sent back into the hospital because her well being went downhill almost immediately after she got home. She has been in the hospital ever since. She seems to have had a slow recovery and I got to witness her drinking her first cup of unaltered hot coffee for the first time in more than a month which was great, and her strength seems to be coming back some every day because she was able to use her eating utensils and pick up most things (including that wondrous cup of coffee and a full cup of water that wasn't thickened) and in comparison to how she looked and sounded a month ago, she seemed like there was a lot of recovery that had happened during that time span.. Speaking of hospitals, I was basically in one for 3 straight days early on this month, the week before this semester started up. Fun times, right? Eh.. not really. I was up in Finely and had two seizures, one each night, two nights in a row, and was stuck in hospitals for a couple days. It was a freaky experience to say the least. I mean, I'm already not very fond of needles and I had two different IV's in my left arm, (one in my hand the first night and one in my elbow the second night), and so that wasn't fun.. not to mention the blood drawing and painful medication they pumped into me the second night (called "dilantin") which made my arm burn half way up to my shoulder and half way down to my hand for a good hour and a half. Luckily my boyfriend never left my side (unless it was for a minute or two in order to go to the restroom or get something to drink which only happened a few times) and let me use his hand or arm as something to squeeze when it got painful. That diluted 250 mL of medication really doped me up for a long time, and by that night when I got home I was so exhausted, not to mention still loopy. But that state got me safely through an ear piercing with a good friend of mine. We both got our left ear cartilages pierced with a cute little diamond-like stud earring. It was really nice to get it done with someone else. Anyways.. my two trips to the emergency room in an ambulance really scared my boyfriend, his family as well as my parents. The bad thing though, was they were out of town in Belize on their 25th wedding anniversary. After the second panic call from my boyfriend and his mother they caught the next flight home. I still feel awful that their trip was cut short by more than half just because of me.. They spent more than a few years planning that trip and I screwed it all up. I feel so guilty for it all still. I mean, I know they did it because they care deeply for me, but it doesn't help me feel better about costing them a crap-ton of money that they worked really hard to save up. Anywho... on a little bit of a lighter note, I'll talk about school this semester. So far my classes have all been fun to be apart of. I am taking math 27 (pre-calculus,algebra and trigonometry all in one. It is a 5 unit course that is two classes put together and so that's a bit on the challenging side but I still am enjoying it), history 21 (which is ethnic and cultural studies of the USA), concert choir and symphonic band. This semester we are singing and playing really neat pieces. Choir is going to be focusing on the French language while band is going to be focusing on the slightly bizarre and more fast paced music, all of which that has a specific theme. For example, in band we are doing a piece dedicated to how bugs act and move around (it has a part on all bugs as a whole, butterflies, spiders, ants, a praying mantis etc). We are also doing the main themes from Star Wars and a piece called "Cartoon" that sounds like a "Tom and Jerry" episode.  The symphonic band will be performing a children's concert with all of these pieces and I am looking forward to that. But other than parts from the "Verdi Requiem" in choir, I don't have a clue as to what we might be singing and performing. Man, there's still more than an hour to kill here in the library and I've spoken about the main things that have happened since my last post on this site.. I passed all of my Fall 2012 classes with a C or higher, my grandmother's über slow recovery, my own hospital adventures and what I've been doing as of late.. Eh, I guess I could talk about this last weekend of mine. I went to the Stammtisch El Eldorado Fasching (which is a costume carnival that my dad plays at once a year) and I went as a renaissance-type pirate. My dad went as a pirate, my aunt was a ladybug, and my cousins were a Napoleon Dynamite-style geek and an 80's rocker. The older of the two cousins that went brought along his girlfriend who dressed up as an 80's chick and her costume was super cute and flashy. (This is what I looked like in my getup, and yes that is make up you see on my face). 

 Any-who, I still have an hour to kill in this library and I'm a little out of things to say.. I suppose I'll just talk about random things on my mind until my time here at school is up. I think I'll speak in a rainbow-type way just because I feel like it. There's a guy in my math class who's also in choir with me and he gives really nice massages but he wasn't in class today during math. My tea is still a bit on the hot side so I'm going to have to wait some more before I can drink it.. That's the only thing that I am not fond of about this thermos. It stays hot for a very long time before it cools down enough for the mouth to stand. I wish that it would go down to a nice, drinkable temperature and stay there for hours. My boyfriend is sick :( I feel really bad because his whole throat is completely covered in muck and there's nothing that he has been able to do about it. I hope he is well enough though, for the rest of the week and gets back to normal by the end of this weekend because our 2-years dating anniversary is this upcoming Monday. One of my younger cousin's Birthday's is on Valentines Day, but I don't know what to get her.. I hate the fact that my face has been an awful acne break out scene basically since the 5th grade. I am constantly but also unconsciously picking at little things everywhere on my face all the time. Speaking of little things, every time I take a shower for the last year or so I've been breaking out in little rashes everywhere on my torso, neck and arms. It is quite aggravating.. just like my random allergy attacks that the doctors can't figure out what's causing them. My phone battery seems to be lasting less each day and that's also a little bit on the annoying side. It's to the point where I feel like I should be bringing my charger to school every day or turning down my brightness to nothing so the battery will last until the end of the night when I go to bed. My parents seem to be wanting another dog and are willing to look at the options now, which is really nice. There's this one named Scarlett who's beautiful, 3 years old, has already had puppies and is definitely seeming like an option. The make or break point is how she acts around cats seeing as that my family owns two of those, Kelso and Bella. Speaking of cats, Kelso got in another fight a few days ago and got some kind of growth on his chest, so he went in for surgery this morning to get it removed and patched up. That cat is now over 15 pounds and he used to be smaller than Bells. There's a good 200 something pages that I need to read by next week from the book called "The Ohlone Way", and I need to make sure that my boyfriend can read it too, or at least listen to it because there's an exam on it next Wednesday. There's another half hour for me to kill in here and then I need to stand out in the semi-chilly weather in order to catch a semi-express bus home.. *grumble* I hate the fact that my license was suspended until I'm three months seizure-less and then I can drive again but that means me going to the DMV with a doctors notice saying that I am allowed to drive again and that will take forever. I am almost half way through the rainbow of colors I've chosen to use and right now I would really enjoy having a q-tip to lessen the irritation in my ears from not using one this morning. Ahh.. my tea is at a desirable temperature and I am willing to drink it now. Thank you thermos. It tastes so good and feels amazing to have tea at this temperature and actually have it there without trying to race the clock in order to consume it all before it gets too cold to enjoy. One of the new band kids, he sits next to me and plays the same instrument as I do, he always comes to class smelling like he just smoked a couple cigarettes and it makes me want to puke every time I get a massive whiff of that awful and atrocious smell that he carries around on his clothing and on his breath. I wish that my headphones had made it back into my backpack last night because I would really appreciate some good music right now to listen to rather than hear other people murmuring, clicking and typing away at their own computer. But I guess it's better than hearing something I really don't like such as a song on repeat or something that my little brother plays constantly: a mix of dubstep and rap. Thanks, but I'd rather listen to what I'm listening to than that c.r.a.p. But headphones would be nice none the less. Wow.. for 3:40 in the afternoon it's definitely a busy library. There's at least one person every 2 minutes who walks by me down the hall to look if there's a free computer that they'd like to use. I guess I just feel like it's late because I'm here starting at 7:30 every morning that I have classes. Not to mention that I get up at 5:30 every morning just to catch the express 6:30 bus to the school and so that makes me feel like I'm up for so much longer than I should be, but I'll get used to it over time I suppose.. it's just going to take me a while. I have a Muse song stuck in my head. Thankfully it's a string quartet cover of the song though, because I'm not really a fan of the whiny voice the lead singer has. He uses to many glissando's everywhere and it just gets more annoying every second I hear it. Something I wouldn't mind hearing though is my "30 Seconds to Mars" album because I haven't heard that full album in a very long time. I got to see that group in concert a few years ago and that almost completely turned me off to the group. It was nothing like the albums they've put out and it was all strobe lights and bad music. I had a migraine by the end of it. Something I seriously wouldn't mind doing right now is watching the next episode of the new TV show on the CW network called "Arrow" which stars Stephan Amell (hottie!!!) and he plays a really cool role of a playboy kind of guy who gets stranded on an island for 5 years and is presumed dead by his very wealthy family. His father dies during the storm that their boat gets stuck in and he tells Oliver (the character that Stephan Amell plays) to right his wrongs and save the city that so many people have corrupted.. its such a good and well made show!! It's time for green =] One of my all time favorite colors in the whole wide world. Thinking about "world", it makes me want to sing all the songs from the Disney movie "Aladdin" and then that makes me want to listen to Pandora to a Disney station and listen to all of the other great Disney songs that have been produced. 10 ish more minutes before I have to go.. and then be on my semi-quick bus home. I wonder if my phone battery will last on a brighter setting so I can keep at least semi-entertained most of the way home rather than have to stare out into the surroundings that we drive through. A bike ride sounds really nice right now. I know dad's home at the moment but it will be pretty much dark by the time that I get home and so there's no point in going out since it will be the most dangerous time to go on a ride in the first place. I want to go on a ride for more than one reason: to get in shape again because I'm severely out of shape right now, and also to enjoy the time with my father and the parts I would be biking through. So Kelso made it through surgery but had to basically be cut from armpit to armpit in order to get all the gunk out from under his skin and will have to drain him with a tube every day a few times so he doesn't get infected or all pussy which would result in him probably dying which would suck majorly because Bella would lack there of a brother and the family would be depressed again. Hey look I made it through all the colors so that means I guess that I should finish up this monster of a post and say goodbye for the day. I am going to log off, hit the bathroom (even though it didn't do anything wrong) and slowly meander my way over to the bus stop. Peace, love and all that jazz. <3